Superstitions: How a sore throat prevented a sore heart

“Mars squares up to Pluto and helps you accept a change not just easily but eagerly. You will welcome new faces, lively locations and be ready to test yourself. Single? Flirty smiles in a shopping centre could be the start of something special. Luck circles a J name.”

So after an absolutely perfect birthday weekend with my friends and family I am in bed a 6pm; not because of a hangover, but because I have a really sore throat and snuffly nose. In a weird way, I prefer this kind of ill because I get a little sympathy from my Mum, rather than if it was self-inflicted drinking sickness. However her sympathy only ever comes in small amounts; my brother once shouted at my Mum saying ‘You would make me go to school even if I had broken my leg’ and she replied ‘Of course I would, you don’t write with your leg!’. Saying that though, she has got a little better with sympathy since I had Peritonitis, I think she felt really bad that even though my Dad had taken me to A&E, she had still gone to get her hair done. I’m making my Mum sound awful, aren’t I? Honestly she is the kindest woman you will ever come across. Then again, one of the first things she said to me when I turned 18, with a sinister smile from ear to ear, was that she could no longer be convicted of child abuse. That is true Mum, but there is something called assault.

So, I was feeling all sorry for myself today and robbed a paper from a poor unsuspecting boy in the Common Room and got to the ‘Mystic Meg’ section. I used to be completely obsessed with Horoscopes, I would read them every day and believe them whole-heartedly. It got to the point where, if I read something in a Horoscope, I would make sure it happened, or if it didn’t I would twist things in my head so that it loosely made sense. Also, if my horoscope turned out to be a bad prediction it would put me on a downer. Alternatively, if it was good I would be ecstatic. I realised I was being stupid, living my life on what I read in these horoscopes, because if something really is meant to be, it's meant to be (prediction or not). I know that a lot of people think that it is a load of mumbo jumbo, but who doesn’t like to read their Star sign once in a while?

Now, for anyone who was to read that prediction, they would consider it good, but for me it was nothing short of terrible. And that is because of my track record with any boy with ‘a J name’.

I’m not going to beat around the bush here, and I will say straight off that any kind of contact with any boy whose name begins with J has been disastrous. You name them; Joe, Joe (that isn’t a mistake, there have been two) James, James (again, not a mistake) Josh, Jonathan and a Jamie. Boys whose names have began with ‘J’ have included ‘Waiter Boy’, ‘Lifeguard Boy’, and ‘Doll face Boy’. You could just call it coincidence, but when I realised a few months ago, I decided to swear myself off ‘J’ boys forever, or at least a little while. So can you now understand why I smacked my head on a metaphorical wall when I read Meg’s prediction?

Because, you see, however much I say I don’t believe in these things I still find myself finding an element of truth in them, and at that point in the day I was planning of going to Westfield later that night. I now feel, that although this terrible virus I am suffering from is making me feel lethargic and gives me a mini ten second migraine every time I stand up, I owe an element of gratitude too. If it weren’t for you I would have been standing in the middle of Westfield shouting ‘Jeh’, ‘Juh’ and ‘Jah’ and seeing who looked my way (probably everyone, that would look pretty stupid. Just imagine a ginger girl shouting that in the middle of a shopping centre, actually just imagine a ginger girl) or running between shops looking at boys name tags and then smiling flirtily at them, however you do that! Instead of that, I am sitting in bed eating my body weight in Malteaser Bunny’s and watching re-runs of Never Mind The Buzzcock’s, which is always more fun than failing in Love. So thank you stupid sore throat for saving my heart if even for one more day.

Something I have learnt lately is that just because someone thinks your life should end up one way it doesn’t mean that you need to abide by that and just because someone expects you to fail, it doesn’t mean that you give up trying. Nice try Mystic Meg.










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