Do you ever get to that stage where all you want to do is hide away for a few days? Catch a train to the coast, and spend a few days in a B&B by the seaside? Sit in cosy little window seats in quite cafes, drinking hot chocolate while the rain is pouring down outside? Spend whole mornings eating toast and honey whilst listening to Laura Marling, Mumford & Sons and Jose Vanders? Do you ever feel like your head is all jumbled up simply because you haven’t had time to sort it out because you have been to busy to sit down and think?
Thats exactly how I feel right now, and to be honest that's the reason I haven’t been writing any blogs lately. I really haven’t had anything motivational to say - because I haven’t felt particularly motivated myself. The place where I live has finally got the better of me. I call the small village where I live 'God’s waiting room', because thats what it is; a place where people come to die. Its incredibly depressing to walk over the same field every day to 6th form, seeing the same parents dragging their kids to school, and having a constant feeling of deja vu. I sit staring at the same piece of coursework for days on end, with so much to say, but being unable to put my words into any kind of logical order. It’s so stupid, I can’t complete my own work to any kind of high standard, but I can quite easily go over someone else’s and improve it for them.
Writing this I have realised this melancholy I am feeling is because I am angry with the world. No, don’t worry, I’m not about to have a go at everyone in the world, I’m just fed up with the way this world works. I’m tired with the way people judge others when they don’t know them and criticise someones' decisions when they don’t know how they are feeling, or their whole story. I’m fed up with how people think its acceptable to treat someone like something on the bottom of their shoe because they are from a different friendship group, race, class or they happen to have done something to make themselves happy instead of someone else for a change. I’ve had enough of people who complain about everyone and everything. Yes, I get it, you have an opinion, but it’s not a nice one, so keep it to yourself please. Oh and one other thing, I cannot cope with any more people not saying 'thank you' when I hold the door open for them. I’m not saying that everyone is like this, but there’s just those few isn’t there? The people who have faces like slapped arses all the time, and make it there sole purpose in life to make everyone else around them as bitchy and as miserable as they are.
I sound incredibly unhappy with my life, don’t I? I’m not, I honestly love everything about it; my amazing friends (who have put up with a lot, and not just recently), incredibly supportive family and a little situation I have going on with someone I like to call ‘Life Guard boy’. I don’t think its anything to be ashamed of to say that you have sometimes have down days, weeks, months or (in extreme cases), years. I am incredibly grateful to say that I only ever have the occasional bad week, because I know and have heard of so many people my age with bad times that stretch over months and years. I honestly believe that if depression wasn’t considered such a taboo, there would be many more people that would seek help, to stop this terrible mental state spiraling out of control.
So tomorrow, I am going to throw some clothes in a bag and I am going to Brighton with my Mother and I’m going to go running down the promenade at sunrise, eat amazing food, go to Salsa Clubs, get a facial, sleep in all morning, drink bottles of wine and visit all of the lovely little book shops and boutiques for a total of five days. You see people in Brighton have a different kind of outlook on life that I’ve never come across anywhere else in this country. Maybe it was just the people I came across, but being there gave me a better perception on people in general. Last time I was there I was walking through the street at about 6pm and a woman walked past me and she was on the phone, but I heard her say ‘one second’ and she said to me ‘I love your dress, you look beautiful’ and she just carried on walking and I was a little bit shocked so I just shouted ‘Thanks!’. Its not only that though, one night when me and my Mother were a little bit drunk and we were walking down the promenade. There was a group of lads about 20 years old and they were playing frisbee. When my mum gets drunk, she gets like a 5 year old. The frisbee got thrown our way, and my mum grabbed the it and said she would only throw it back if she could play. It’s safe to say I was mortified. Whats worse though is that because she couldn’t see straight, she was throwing the frisbee in completely the wrong direction and then shouting ‘Where were you?! Your crap at this game’ and the lads just took it. I felt so sorry for them! But what I’m saying is, why can’t everyone be nice and get on with everyone just like that?
I suppose the world doesn’t work like that, which is a real shame to be honest. But for five whole days, I get to pretend it does.
If we get enough people to pretend that this world is like this, do you think it could be?
Why don’t we try?
Live. Laugh. Love.