Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Losing my cherry

My mum gives me a lot of advice, some I ask for, some I don't. She comes out with some great one-liners, mostly designed to give me a metaphorical slap in the face when she's a few too many miles away to give me an actual one.

One piece that has stuck with me, has probably been very vital over my formative years - it's also been the opening line of many a drunken rant, one of which took place this Saturday. Sorry, Laura and Danielle.

It's been quite literally a sanity saver (if I have any left) and if there's any room left on the list of things I am thankful to my Mum for, it's this:

"Don't let a guy be your cake, only let him be the cherry on top."

I think the first time I heard it was after Chef Boy, which was probably the most blown-out-of-proportion reaction to a break-up in history. You see I'd let him be the cake. I'd let him walk all over me, and arranged my life around him. He was my cake... And no one likes it when your cake gets taken away from you.

Now, it wasn't like he was a Red Velvet cake, or gooey centred Chocolate cake - he was more like one of those Cupcakes that underneath all the impressive frosting was just disappointing, but nevertheless, just like when someone takes away my actual cake, I was gutted.

I don't think my Mum really knew how to cope with that. I don't think she'd ever seen me like that... I don't think I'd ever seen me like that. So, on a cold February night she turned to me, my steamed up glasses, tear soaked break-up jumper and Happy Meal, and told me exactly what I needed - not wanted - to hear.

I needed to make my own cake before I let anyone be involved in it. You can't have a cherry on top of a cake, if there's no cake to begin with. You need to have a life that you're happy with and a base that's stable, before you can let a guy be a part of it. Because otherwise, if you let him be the jam that holds the Victoria Sponge together or even the eggs, flour or milk, when something bad happens or you breakup, well, what are you left with?

So as gutted as I was last night and as snuffly as I've felt all day, I know that all I lost yesterday was my cherry. I can get more cherries, new cherries, better, fancier and maybe more than one cherry. I still have my amazing friends, crazy life and incredible year ahead of me - him not being a part of that won't make it any different, because he wasn't vital. Yes, it was nice and yes, it made me happy, but he wasn't the only cause of my contentment.

Did I just become a grown up?

Live. Laugh. Love.