Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Oh! Hello Sailor.

Okay, so the reason I have been absent from blogging/destroying mens ego’s for a while, is because my life and eventual career kind of depend on this month. Instead of blogging about the time I smiled at a gorgeous boy at the gym, subsequently missing the bottom step, and also the time when whilst singing my heart out I pulled up at the traffic lights, looked across at another car and saw my ex looking at me like an alien had just dropped out of the sky, I have been hitting my head against a brick wall. Or as it is commonly referred: revising.

I wouldn’t call revising my favourite pass time, it’s kind of on a par with waxing. It’s not vital, but you kind of have to do it if you want to get anywhere in life. Painful, but worth it when you see the results.

So according to a revision website I have been keeping as my bible for the past 3 weeks, there are 5 key tips for successful revision.

Number One: Make a set of revision cards.

Done. Much to my Dads annoyance they are cello-taped all over my bedroom walls. I told him not to worry because leaving sticky residue on my white walls will give me a better chance of leaving home in October. I have never seen my Dad's mood change so quickly.

Number Two: Create and stick to a revision time table, giving yourself regular breaks.

Done. That is if you consider half hourly toilet visits because of the amount I am drinking, and do-a-mind-map-have-a-biscuit a schedule.

Number Three: Find a quiet place to revise and make sure you’re comfy.

As I am not really comfortable in any other clothing than my gym wear, I have been constantly looking like I’m off for a run, and as for quiet, I’m afraid there is little chance of that happening in my house. I got up on Sunday morning and straight away got dressed (a strange thing for me at the Weekend) and sat at my desk and started making my notes, when I heard a very loud mmm-ing noise. Yes, the one time I have ever wanted to revise on a Sunday morning, my Dad decided to do a spot of hoovering. Then in the afternoon, as I was just getting stuck into a bit of 'Jane Eyre', my Dad turned on the TV in the opposite room and proceeded to watch Motorbike racing. Don’t get me wrong, that isn’t a crime, but when he insists on watching it at 10 times the healthy volume whilst having the door swung completely open, I am sorry but I will not be held responsible for my actions.

Number Four: Revise with a friend, by taking it in turns to test each other.

I’m afraid when every single conversation you have with your friends in 100% sarcasm, it makes it hard to take them seriously enough to revise with them. Especially when one of them in particular is always breaking out into her own particularly special rendition of Wuthering Heights. She certainly gives Kate Bush a run for her money. Take note that my sarcasm stretches to when I talk about my friends, as well as too them.

Number Five: Create Anchors for yourself.

I had never heard of ‘Anchor’ being used in this kind of context before last week, but it’s mainly a term that refers to a memory technique for when you want to memorise something effectively. For example you link a word you need to remember with something well known to you, using the power of your imagination. The basis of a good ‘anchor’ is imagining an absurd, positive, funny or exaggerated situation that you can link with the given word. I actually owe one of my favourite ‘anchors’ to a really lovely girl in my class, who is the reason I will never ever forget Sigmund Freud’s theory on ‘Personality’. Basically because it involved weeing in public; always good for jogging my memory.

There is also another sub-heading for the term ‘Anchor’, and it refers to the things that remind us of memories and people. Like for me, whenever I see anyone wearing Abercrombie and Fitch is reminds me of when I was in New York and I thought I had walked into the mens changing rooms. As I found out there was actually a man standing there topless for the purposes of luring people into the store. All I can say is good call A&F. And, why, when I smell talcum powder, it reminds me of my next door neighbour, or whenever ‘She’s so lovely’ by Scouting for Girls comes on the radio I remember my first ever boyfriend. Not that he thought I was lovely after it ended.

‘Anchors’ are the reason getting over a relationship can be so hard. I can guarantee that anyone who has ever broken-up with someone will have experienced that phase where no matter what you do or where you go, everything seems to be a reminder of them. It feels like every shop you go in is playing that song he once sang to you really badly and that film you went to see on your first date has now come out on DVD and the adverts are plastered everywhere. (Maybe this one only applies to me, as the average length of time it takes for a film to go from cinema to disk is two months, and this is the length of nearly all of my relationships.)
Even after months and years, these anchors will still find a way of weighing you down. It only has to take being caught in the rain without an umbrella, running into Starbucks and hearing ‘Watch the Sun come up’ by Example to remind you of your summer romance. Believe me, I have had the woman behind the counter asking me if I’m okay, because, in her words I looked like ‘a lost foreigner’ that was upset because I hadn’t got an umbrella.

Whilst you’re being held down by these anchors, its hard to feel like your not drowning. All you want to do is swim away, forget all those things that make your stomach do somersaults. I’m not saying that you will be able to cut those ties easily or sometimes not at all, you may even find that after thinking you are finally free, you tangle your leg in the rope and it drags you right back down again.
But one thing you should always remember; there are plenty more fish in the Sea.

Live. Laugh. Love