Friday, 26 November 2010

My Year In Lists.

Ive just seen the Coca- Cola Christmas advert, and like many other people, it means my Christmas has officially started!

As you can probably tell, I love christmas. I love everything about it:  pretty lights, the smell of the trees, seeing my family, people being in better moods, and of course the parties and lots of food! But in all this hype about christmas, it might sound stupid, but I forgot that its only 37 days until this year is over. Done.

When I realised, I started to get really scared and sad that a year in which I had planned so much for and expected so much of has kind of passed me by. Don't get me wrong, this year has produced many amazing memories, but not the ones I had expected. If you know me well, you probably know that my life is predominatly run by the lists I write, and before the 1st January I wrote a list of all the things I was going to do in 2010. Now you should know my lists are very importants to me, and in my warped reasoning, help me achieve things in my life.
So heres my list (the ones with stars next to them, are the ones I have done):
1.Forgive all the people who have ever done bad things to me, or upset me*
2.Have the night*
3.Find out what I want to do with my life*
4.Jump from the tree in Chatsworth, into the river
5.Sleep underneath the stars*
6.Go somewhere abroad*
7.Learn to play Guitar, so I can play the songs I have written lyrics for
8.Sing a song to an audience
9.Conquer a fear
10.Start a blog*
11.Go on a road trip with my friends
12.Be able to drive*
13.Puddle jump*
14.Go to a karaoke and sing
15.Sit on a roof top
16.Record a song
17.Be part of a flash mob
18.Do a ‘Slip And Slide’
19.Get lost somewhere*
20.Roll in mud
21.Draw money out of an ATM and shout ‘IVE WON!’*
22.Go to Toys’R’us
23.Go to a festival*
24.Milk a cow
25.Have my fortune told
26.Be naked on a nudist beach
27.Make a bet on the grand national
28.Send a message in a bottle
29.Open the door to a salesman and just scream until they go away
30.Sing loudly in the car with the windows open in a traffic jam*
31.Pull an all-nighter*
32.Go camping*
33.Write a diary*
34.Win something. Anything.*
35.Get something pierced
36.Write a postcard
37.Get a job*
38.Make a time capsule and bury it somewhere, and set a date to open it
39.Give a Valentines card to someone who will never find out who sent it
40.Feed the ducks
41.Run through the water fountain in derby
42.Leave a love note on a persons windscreen, who I don't know
43.Finish a crossword on my own*
44.Get something named after me
45.Get something on my body photocopied
46.Grow something*
47.Learn how to pull a pint
48.Go to a Salsa club and stay till after midnight
49.Take Tango lessons
50.Fly a kite
51.Make a dress*
52.Find my passion*
53.Have that crazy moment*
54.Learn to not take things as personally*
55.Meet a celebrity*
56.Give blood
57.Go on a walk to somewhere I've never been*
58.Go to an auction
59.Run 5 miles*
60. Fall truly, endlessly and hopelessly in love

You'd think that in a entire year I would be able to do 60 things wouldn't you? Wrong. I have only completed 25, thats less than half. Not only am I now a failure in the things other people want me to do, but a failure in what I want myself to do!
Ok, so the things I have done.

Forgiving all the people was a massive step for me, especially when it came to the girls that made my life hell for a year in secondary school, but the woman on the mobility scooter who ran over my foot and left me a limp for a week, was the hardest to forgive! Whilst learning not to take things as personally took a while longer. Can you imagine being in a wheelchair and hearing a lad go ''She's a bit of alright'' and his friend say ''Yeh, but mate she's in a wheelchair''? I have never wanted to be Andy from Little Britain so much in my whole life!
Please tell me you know what THE night is? Well, you know in films, where the man and woman stay up all night and learn absolutly everything about each other and it's really romantic? To your surprise I have had THE night, unfortunatly, now its not that much of a great memory as all the things he told me where fabricated lies and as we were at a party, many people ocassionly threw up around us. But at least I can tick it off my list!
I have found out what I want to do with my life, alongside finding my passion, and that is journalism and writing for all you lovely people, so therefore I have started my blog. Also the more and more I think about it, it's a bit like a diary (okay so thats a bit of cheating but...) Tick!
Sleeping underneath the stars was not as cool as it sounds, as it was when I went abroad (Tick), I was sunbathing, fell asleep and woke up in pitch black with stars above my head. But I will admit, although it was cold, it was a nice thing to wake up too.
Being able to drive has coincided with getting lost. Everytime I go out, I end up getting lost, I will admit it was scary the first few times. When you drive past the same old lady with a trolley five times, its not because she is moving quickly, its because you keep going : left, left, left and left again.
Number 21 is one of the funniest things I have ever done and its surprising how many people say ''Oh, really? How much?'' and sound excited for you (maybe they though I was crazy) definitely give it a go! Another was the festival and camping. It was probably one of the greatest weekends of my life, including two all-nighters, and there are things that will make me laugh for years to come.
Now for the crazy moment, or moments. If you read all blogs you will know I have had many moments where I have looked like a person who had escaped from a mental asylum, but one that really stick in my mind was I was in M&S shortly after I had come out of hospital. I kept having wierd moments of feeling unbelievably ill, where all I could do was sit on the floor, shut my eyes, and wait for it to pass. Well one of these moments happened when I was at the checkout while my mum was paying for some food. It came on so fast that all I had time to do was crouch down and rest my head on the side of the conveabelt. I eventually managed to get to the wall, where I sat and my mum passed me my drink, which was fizzy orange. In a rush to open it, I undid it to fast which meant it fizzed all over my hands, crotch and the floor. At which point the loveliest lad who worked there came over and helped me move and handed me some tissues and made sure I was okay. When the illness was wearing off he asked me if I knew where the toilet was. In a moment of madness, I thought that he thought I had wet myself, afterall there was yellowy liquid on the floor and my crotch was wet, and I stood up and shouted 'I haven't wet myself!'. Shortly after walking off in disgust I realised he had said it because I needed to wash my hands. My Mum said he looked gutted.
The others on the list are pretty self-explanitory.

The things I haven't done.

There is one that sticks out, and that would be the last one. To fall truly, endlessly and hopelessly in love. The one thing on the list I was hoping to achieve. It made me realise that as much as I am not that big a fan of 'love', its not something you can plan or arrange. It's pretty much the same with life aswell. I had planned this year in such detail, it was almost impossible to follow. Probably the biggest destroyer of the plan was when, 16 days into the year, I was taken ill and confined to a hospital bed for a month. But nearly losing this year, and the rest of my life made me realise you have a life to live, and you only get one chance. It doesn't matter how mishapen it becomes, aslong as you make the best out of it, because its your life and no-one else's.

However,I am making a plea. A plea to anyone who can help me achieve the rest of the things on my list before 2011 starts. Please no-one creepy for the last one...
For the next 37 days I will be rapidly running round town, just to tick some things on a list.
Live. Laugh. Love

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Who will buy?

Last week me and my friend voluteered to sell poppies. A task which involved walking round the entire school shaking a donation box, being offered 2p for five, and defending ourselves from insults the year 7's threw at us. I also felt reluctant to give up my break and lunchtimes as I am yet to finish my personal statement for my university applications, a task which I find incredibly difficult as all I seem to be able to do is take the piss out of myself. I don't know how I am meant to make a University believe in me, when I don't particularily believe in myself.
Anyway, as me and my also ginger friend (you don't see that very often now do you?) were walking round the school, shouting like we were on a market stall, we recieved a bit of abuse from a year 10 who I find particularily terrifying . Now I dont know if you know that you can no longer get pins for poppies when you buy them from a school. Well this was the reason me and my friend weren't wearing one as we had no way of fastening it to ourselves and, as we expected, it was commented on. The lad (who you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley) shouted, ''I'll buy one when you wear one!''. Although me and my ginger friend both ran off at this point, with scarlet faces and shame that someone 3 years younger than us had made us look stupid, I thought it was a valid point.

Why do we persuade people to do things we don't do ourselves? Why do we make people believe things we are not sure of personally? And how are we meant to justify doing something when the person telling you to do it, wouldn't do it either?

This made me think of my personal statement and asking people to give me a chance. Why do I think that by someone giving me the oppurtunity to achieve, it will make me achieve? Only I can make myself achieve and only I can believe in myself enough to get others too aswell.

Basically what I am saying is, people only believe in people who believe in themselves (try saying that with a mouth full of biscuits). I don't think there are many actors who walked into the audition for the part that made them famous, without believing that they could do it. Although the people on X-factor annoy me, every single one of them believe that they can win, otherwise they wouldn't be there. I think self-belief is sometimes percieved as arrogance, just look at Katie Weasel... sorry, I mean Waisell. People are publicly bashing her because she is not giving up on the oppurtunity that has and will change her life, and just because she has had small careers before being on X-factor doesn't that just show her ambition? Just because people aren't scared to reach for what they want, does that mean they think they are better than anyone else? No. It means they believe in themselves, and this should not be confused with arrogance.

Now there are people who are down right arrogant (including the year 10 boy) but I just get scared and run away from them, or make a joke about my ginger hair, which seems to be my defence mechanism nowadays.

Unfortunatly, I am still struggling with my personal statement, and when I finally get it done, I have strong feeling my application will be tossed aside therefore not getting me into University. But, oh well, it won't be the worst thing to write blogs for the rest of my life. To be found dead at 60, with a half drank bottle of wine, a strange hairline I seem to have these days, 'Murder She Wrote' on repeat, an unfinished blog, and a my face half eaten my 2 cats, Salt and Pepper. ( I really have thought about this too much)

On that note, I will leave you with some lyrics from the theme tune of a kids show, that I am embaressed to still know off by heart.

''It's a simple message and it comes from the heart.
Believe in yourself, well thats the place to start.''

I apoligise for the break in blogs, I've been swamped by coursework and not been feeling great. But luckily for you, you have 40 more years of my blogs about failed dates, and bad days you lucky, lucky people. Also I am really sorry for the particularily bad spelling and grammer, I accidentally deleted my word processor, and googling every word that you can't spell is time consuming.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Don't try and make your life like a movie. It causes injuries.

Last Friday morning I was on the treadmill at the gym, and as a compulsive gym goer (seriously, if I dont go for a week I get moody) I really go for it. I mean really go for it. And just because I run alot, it doesnt mean I look good when I run. Ive caught myself in the mirrors before, and I look like a cross between Pheobe from Friends and an angry, 20 stone, New Zealand rugby player. Lets just say I dont look graceful, or in any way attractive. So, as I was flailing my legs very quickly, in time to the music playing loudly in my ear, suddenly the song changed. Now my Ipod does this alot, due to my headphones having a button on, which I really dont no what it does. The song which came on was good, albeit slower, so I didnt really mind.
Then something remarkable happened that Friday morning. I fell in love with a boy who looked like an English version of Chace Crawford. I'm not even kidding. He was a babe. I was in love. Well and truly in love. My heart was beating even faster than it already was, and I felt myself getting all flushed.

You know in movies, where the gorgous man walks past, and a song comes on that always seems really appropriete? Well, I've always wished that would happen in real life. So that whatever mood you were in there would always be a song that would automatically come on, that would be great would'nt it?

Well it happened to me. Just as he was walking right in front of my treadmill I realised what song was playing in my ear. It was a song by The Cure called 'Friday, Im In Love'. It was amazing. And while pondering the irony of this I will tell you another thing. In movies when that gorgous man walks past and the song comes on, have you ever realised in goes in slow motion? This was also happening to me. He seemed to be walking in slow motion, and I seemed to be running in slow motion. Only when you've set the speed on the treadmill to 9kph, you cant really afford to slow down.

So there I was wondering how my life had become so much like a movie, whilst trying to look attractive, and trying not to look directly at him. So much so that I came back down to the ground with a bump. Unfortuantly in this case, not a metaphorical bump, an actual one.

I was so caught up in the fact my life was near perfect, that I forgot to carry on running.

So there I was in a heap on the floor, wondering why I now had Lady Gaga playing in my ear (I still have no idea how my headphones work) when I saw Chace Crawford above me, saying something to me. To which I replyed 'Fine, just fine. Im going to go stretch it out'. I still have no idea what he said to me, and I limped off, flushed bright red.

Theres more. In the rush to get away from the situation I had left my treadmill still running and my bottle of water in the holder. Now as I am looking back I really should of just left it and gone and dug myself a hole and crawled into it. But no, when I realised I immediatley turned round to go back, and I saw him turning the machine off and, picking up the bottle. When he realsied why I was again stood in front of him staring at the bottle, he handed it to me. And all I could do was a thumbs up. A THUMBS UP! Who do you think you are? Fonzie from Happy Days?

Embaressed isn't the word.

So with a bruised knee and a bruised ego, I limped back to my locker. Mumbling words like 'stupid girl' and 'bloody brilliant' to myself. And even after a week I still dare not go back to the gym. Can you imagine my 'I have no idea what your talking about' conversation?
At the moment, I find it alot easier to sit on my backside and get fat, than to face Chace.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Ever become someone you dont like?

Basically, if I met me, I wouldn't like me.

I'm one of those people you have to get to know to fully understand what I mean and for me to get close to you. Im a bitch. Now I don't do or say anything to be purposely bitchy and I would never do anything to directly hurt anyone. But I fall into traps, by saying things at the wrong time or talking about someone a little bit too much. I really need to think more before I do things.

Also I interupt people when there talking. I dont even realise I do it most of the time. But sometimes I get my mum glaring at me - eyes wide open - and I realise I need to let others make there point. Therefore I am way too opinionated, and I want people to know my opinion. Annoying, I know.

And another thing. When I first meet people I kind of just stare at them and I cant think of anything to say. I end up just standing there like and arrogant, ignorant, stuck-up.....

Ok, so thats enough self bashing for one day. And I will try and make a point out of this blog.

''Your imperfections are what make you perfect''

Because although you may not like these things about yourself and wish you were somehow different, they make you, YOU! And who you are makes people love you. Well, thats what people say anyway. I say 'people' as I am yet to experiance this kind of love that everyone raves about.

I am also abit sceptical about the fact anyone will ever love the fact I compulsivley write lists, forget to put ice cream back in the freezer, frequently eat only stuffing and gravy for my lunch and pick my spots till they bleed. But I except the fact that that is me.

Maybe your one of those people who doesn't like who they are, and kicks themselves for the way they act sometimes. But believe me everyone does. And don't be scared to show your imperfections. After all, there what make you beautiful.
I think people often forget the fact that self-loving is about the inside aswell as out.

Gok Wan eat your heart out!

Live. Laugh. Love